I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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