You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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