wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
