I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize