I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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