I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
