Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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