i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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