I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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