so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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