your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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