Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
