If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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