Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
