i think i have two assholes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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