Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
