how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
