You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
