I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize