I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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