my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
