we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
