You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
