It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
