cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i've created a new STD.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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