just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
