# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
