Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
