Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize