his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't deserve a penis
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
