I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
