You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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