You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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