i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
