you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
