Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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