Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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