So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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