sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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