i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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