Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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