dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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