thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
