so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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