You work out of a Hotel?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
