dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
