you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize