Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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