Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
