I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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