blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
