So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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