ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
