By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
