That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize