You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
