Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
