Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
