Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
