I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
