she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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