I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
