You're my little dorito
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just cut my nipple shaving
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
