Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
