roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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