Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
