i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think a kid would responsible me up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
