Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
