The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
