Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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