You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
