Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
