I think my vagina is haunted
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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