nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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