Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
