We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
