a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize