I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life is pants optional.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
