So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
