Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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