btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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