he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
