I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
