Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
