She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
