She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Boobs speak an international language.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
