At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
